Walking away is not an option... dialogue must prevail.

"A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with."
- Kenneth A. Wells

"I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace."
- Helen Keller

Friday, October 10, 2008

turn, turn, turn...

A long time ago, my mother sat me down and explained to me that my aunt was getting a divorce. This was mom's youngest sibling and mother of my closest cousin. This meant my cousin's life was being turned inside out in a society and a time where divorce wasn't common.

I remember the range of emotions I went through. I was angry at her husband for leaving her and what I saw as an abandonnement of my cousin. I was sad, because I knew some of the people I loved the most were sad...

I now have to tell my daughter the same thing, sort of.

I told you when I last posted that there was something looming for a family member. My cousin contacted me telling me she was getting a divorce. I never saw this one coming. I always liked him because I could tell by the way he looked at her how precious she was to him. He left me a very sad comment about a picture of Chicklet (who simply ADORES him) saying he'll miss being her "uncle" terribly.

I don't know all the details, and won't take a position in this one other than to stand by my cousin as she makes a transition in her life... looks for a new place to live, a new job... new beginnings.

It sucks.

I'm sad at the thought that my cousin, the closest thing I have to a sister, has to go through this yet... again.

I'm sad my aunt has to see this happen to her child... again.

Yes Buff... the empath - as you called me - is having a very difficult time with this.

I'm going to call her this weekend. We don't talk often but gravitate towards each other in really bad times. I think I may have to spend some time with her next weekend... just she and I. I have to go back to my roots. To the people who truly care about me.

I'll try and visit your blogs over the long weekend. I've only managed some flybys.

Hugs and smooches...


Turnbaby said...

It's always hard.

and it's good to have those touchstones

Travis said...

Thinking positive thoughts for you and sending hugs.

Dana said...

I know this seems an odd post to do it in, but I did want to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!

Thoughts are with you and your family during this difficult time.

CrystalChick said...

I think your cousin is going to really appreciate your love and support.

Best wishes for all of them. As their lives change the new beginnings will hopefully be gentle and welcomed.

Ron said...

Oh damn…this is a tough, I know…

…so many of my family members have gone through this numerous times, and it’s devastating to the whole family, isn’t it?

It’s like a piece of the puzzle is taken out, and it feels like something is missing.

Divorce is hard because it effects not only the couple, but also family and friends.

And even more so…the children. It’s so difficult to understand, especially if their very young.

But knowing you, my friend…I’m sure your presence will be great comfort and company for your cousin. Libra’s have a good way of listening…and just quietly allowing someone to “be.” And that in itself…helps a great deal with healing.

I’ll be sharing much good energy with you and your family this weekend, Anndi.

And thank you for sharing this with us, dear lady!

P.S. I like the graphics you’ve chosen for this post!

Akelamalu said...

It is difficult when someone you love has to go through traumatic times. All you can do is 'be there'and that is exactly what you're doing. Don't forget to take care of yourself whilst you're taking care of your cousin will you? xx

Lu' said...

I would like you in my corner in a time of turmoil.

Brian o vretanos said...

Divorce isn't pleasant, though like any major change there is also the hope in a better future, and I really hope things work out.

Real Live Lesbian said...

She's lucky to have you to turn to...and you her. I'm so sorry. It's a loss for the whole family. Hopefully, they will both move on to greater loves.

As for your daughter, I know you'll do whatever is in your power to keep that little girl of yours smiling! I just love that pic of her!

Anndi said...

Turnbaby: Yes, even when for the best, it's hard. I have very few true touchstones, and they're precious.

Travis: Thanks... they help.

Dana: When times like these come about, I know what I have to be thankful for. Health, my Chicklet, my Honey and some lovely people who don't judge. I'm lucky.

Mary: I appreciate that. Growing pains... just wish she wouldn't have to go through them twice.

Anndi said...

Ron: The last time I had to explain divorce to my daughter, it was when she was three and her father and I had to tell her her mommy and daddy wouldn't be a couple anymore. It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

I'm confident she has made the best decision for her. But I also am aware of how hard it is when you realize a relationship you've invested so much of yourself in is no longer satisfying. She'll have some grief to deal with. I'll do what I can to support her.

Your friendship means a great deal Ron. Thank you.

Akelamalu: I won't forget... I promise.

Lu: Anytime sweetie... anytime.

Brian: I have faith she'll come out of this stronger and happier... she just needs to get there.

RLL: I know great things await them both.
Chicklet will be sad but she'll understand how important it is for her auntie to be happy. She's very much an empath and will surely help mend everyone's heart.
Who knows, she may be the strongest of us all.

Chris Wood said...

All I can say is good luck to them all at a difficult time. All the best.

buffalodick said...

Being an empath is a wonderful gift, but can be a bit of a curse too- as you feel so deeply for others. Control what you can control, and try to help where you can help. I hope it all works out, for you and your relatives. The love you have for them is a wonderful start!

Charles Gramlich said...

Very difficult. I remember the agony of having to tell my son that his mom and I were getting divorced.

jenboglass said...

Never easy. I'm so sorry. For what it's worth, I'm glad you're back if only for a minute. :)

coopernicus said...

As the empath, you'll go far. Being there for here...even when it's just and ear...is the best thing you can do. Prayers to your cousin and family...

Desert Songbird said...

It's difficult to be on the outside looking on as a loved one divorces. We DON'T know what the reasons are, and sometimes the participants can't really explain it either.

Sad, sad times.

Kay said...

I am sure she will appreciate any and all support you can give her.

My own divorce was awful and liberating and horrible and wonderful all at once.

You all will be in my thoughts.

Dana said...

Divorce not only breaks up families but it breaks up lives. I know - I've been there. But at times, it can be your only option.