Walking away is not an option... dialogue must prevail.

"A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with."
- Kenneth A. Wells

"I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace."
- Helen Keller

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Tuna fish... tuna dog?

First, I want to thank all who left good wishes for Sharkdog aka Chelsea the Queen Beagle aka my bestest little girl puppy in the whole world (you have to say that last one in a high pitched babytalk sing song tone to get the full effect).

There are some professions I don’t envy… like Alaska King Crab fisherman, road kill cleanup specialist, septic tank technician and avian vomitologist (owl vomit collector – yes, this is an actual job). Veterinarian is one of them. At least regular doctors have nurses they can assign to the task of giving a patient an enema.

In between two encounters with the monkeys I work with, I took a few minutes and called the vet’s office on Friday to make an appointment for Sharkdog. I told the vet tech (they have some gems working there I can tell you) about Miss Chelsea’s sore tail end and that she had yelped when I patted her and she gave us an appointment for Saturday early afternoon.

About fifteen minutes before the appointed time, I corralled Sharkdog into the car and chauffeured her to the vet’s. She hates that drive. She looked like the stick-up Garfield plush toys we used to have stuck to our car windows back in the 80s.

The vet techs were happy to see her (she suckers every one in) and came over to say hello. Sharkdog gave them a hello sniff and then tried to escape from Alcatraz um.. the vet’s waiting room. I held firm to the leash thus foiling her desperate lunges... err... best laid plans. She also gave me the “you’re not leaving me here again look” and I gave her a smooch on the head and told her everything would be ok (she understands me, you know... she doesn’t believe me, but she understands me).

The vet (he’s new but took care of Tobey aka Dumdum once and we think we like him) came and said hello and lead us to the “torture chamber”... I mean, the examination room.

Turns out the anal gland condition some of you mentioned?... yeah. As much as I adore my dog I am NOT EVER going to deal with this myself should it occur again. The vet had me put Chelsea on the exam table and we went through her symptoms.

This is not Chelsea (obviously), but you get the idea:

I told him sometimes she does the “boot scoot” and he went straight for the anal gland impaction hypothesis.

He positioned his hand at her ...um ... poop shoot and “massaged the glands”. Out squirted some yellow anal gland juice (which apparently is the normal colour) so no infection. YAY!

But then... the smell hit my nostrils and I gagged.

For a while that afternoon she was known as Tunabutt. I was attempting to explain this smell to my Honey (who had never dealt with this despite having had many dogs in his life) over the phone last night and the best description I could come up with was: picture a can of tuna in oil dating back to WWII soldier rations days that has been punctured open and left out in the baking sun of the Sahara desert for a few decades and you have a fraction of the smell that came from my dainty baby girl dog’s nether regions.


Let me just say, anal gland juice could be used as a weapon of mass ... um... torture. Wanna smoke a terrorist out from the caves of Afghanistan? Pop an anal gland juice bomb in there and watch them run out vomiting, green as clover and St Paddy’s Day beer.
Seriously, unless Osama Bin Laden has had his nose surgically sealed and can keep his mouth closed while breathing through his eyeballs, this smell could send him running towards the allied forces if he thought they could make the smell stop.

Yeah... that bad!

The vet also checked out her ears and poor baby has bacterial otitis in both ears. So I have ear cleaning drops and antibiotics and we go back in a week for a follow-up.
She still isn’t fully back to her tail swinging days and I’m keeping an eye out for that. The vet manipulated the tail (stop smirking) and didn’t find anything... so we’ll see.
Sharkdog is now resting in a corner under a chair in an attempt to keep Dumdum the hell away from her behind – yup, things are back to normal. She isn’t falling for the “But baby, I just wanna express your anal glands” trick.

If anyone knows how to contact the R&D branch of the armed forces let me know. I think they need to look into anal gland juice as a weapon... seriously.

Oh... and just so that "internetpetvet" knows: Sharkdog has no problems eating fibre. Or anything else she believes is edible... like MY CHRISTMAS CHOCOLATES! Thus leading to the sparklepoop incident... that dog always has butt issues.

"My little dog - a heartbeat at my feet."
~Edith Wharton


Travis said...

I'm caught between EEEWWWW and LMOO. I think both might be appropriate.

I'm glad little Miss Sharkdog is going to be ok.

Dana said...

Ummm ... yeah ... I'm glad I have a cat!

Charles Gramlich said...

Yeah, I'm laughing while making a face. And I can't even smell. But the description was enough to put me off my feed. Glad you figured out what was wrong though.

Lu' said...

I had to take my cat to the vet to have her glands expressed every 8 to 10 weeks. There was no way I was doing it my self. The vet kept trying to convince me I caould do it and I'm like, llok Dr I'm paying so get to it.

Desert Songbird said...

Oooo, thank you sooooo much for sharing this with us, my friend. You're such a giving soul. *grin*

Jeff B said...

Holy butt juice Batman! That was one of the funniest things I've read in a while. Nothing like the smell of pent up dog-by-product to curl your hair.

Slyde said...

congrats... that was hands down the most digusting story i have read on the internets all week :)

Jay said...

Anal. Gland. Juice.

Wellllllll you should be getting some pretty interesting searches now. haha ;-)

Glad the pup-eee is okay.

Anndi said...

Travis: I LMOO after (quite some time after) the EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

Dana: Cats have anal glands too ya know.

Charles: I regretted having had lunch just before the "manoeuvre". UGH! I hope we've got the butt thing fogured out. Thank you.

Lu': I told Dana cats have em too! It's money well spent!

Songbird: *looks innocent* It's all about sharing!

Jeff: Nevermind curl.. it's enough to cinge it off!

Slyde: OOOH! Fabulous endorsement! hehehe!

Jay: Not quite as colourful as the ones YOU get dearest!
She's back to her snarly self.

Dianne said...

I came here first thing to find out how the queen of anal detention was doing

I'm so glad she's going to be OK

your description is (too!?) vivid and hilarious.

sending hugs to Sharkdog - from the front!

CrystalChick said...

EEEEWWWWWW. Ann, seriously, EWWWW. I'm TRYING to drink a yummy chai tea and now everything is going to have tuna overtones to it today. LOL!
Hope sweet Sharkdog is back to her old self very soon!

coopernicus said...

I was going to go make a tuna salad sandwich right after reading this...think I'll switch to PB & J. Glad it's nothing serious with Sharkdog....

VE said...

Can you call anal gland juice an organic product? Does it go well with chips and salsa?

doggybloggy said...

Ok then....now I have fluids and images and glands in my mind that dont really belong...

Bond said...

OH yeah....we dealt with this too....and EWWWWWWWWWWWW just does not do it...your description of the tuna in the desert, older than dirt...YUP that pretty much covered it...

Anndi said...

Dianne: Awww! Sharkdog appreciates all the love she's been getting.
hehehe "anal detention" hehehe

Mary: not even Chai tea could cancel out the effects of that foul odour! Sorry I harshed your mellow.

Coop: PB&J sammiches are way better dude! Sharkdog did you a favour!

Ve: I believe you can call it organic.. but the only ones who'd enjoy it with chips and salsa are probably ogres.

DB: At least you don't have the smell!

Bond: Tuna in the desert was as close as I could get. It defies imagination doesn't it?

Talisman said...

Ew Ew Ew... Reason #10932293847 I'm glad I don't have dogs.


Thanks, now I totally don't want to eat. AND that's a good thing, cuz I'm on a diet! ;)

buffalodickdy said...

Anal gland juice? Until this post, I was blissfully unaware of this substance....

Bee said...

Sooo gross! Yuck! Ewww!
An ex-friend of mine used to do that to her dog everytime she gave him a bath!!

Since she and I are not friendly anymore, I'm going to say she actually liked the smell...

Turnbaby said...

I am LMAO cause i think I said in email how VILE the smell would be!

There's really no adequate description but you came close Angelbaby.

Hope she is feeling better

Dana said...

Ew...but I'm glad he's better!