The more things change... accidental thoughts

So... I was watching “Fiddler on the Roof”. It’s one of those “have to watch" movies for me. You know, you flip channels and it doesn’t matter where it’s at in the storyline, you still "have to watch" it.

I love this movie. I love the songs, and the characters. I love the story… Tevye the milkman, the patriarch of a poor Jewish family in pre-Revolutionary Russia, explains traditions and is faced with marrying off his three oldest daughters.

During a commercial break, I went over to the computer to check e-mails and I figured I’d empty the spam folder on my e-mail account. I empty it every day. I check it just to make sure actual “for real” non-spam e-mails don't end up in there. As I quickly scanned the “FROM” field, I saw that one of them was from a dating website and this lead to one of my "thinking" episodes... you know, the accidental kind.

At least three times a week, there's an offer from some online dating service... the “Fiddler on the Roof” Yentes (the Matchmaker) of the 21st century.

There are many different kinds of them, these dating services. There are some that make you answer questionnaires in 26 parts and then run match algorithms to find the most compatible candidate. There are some with pictures and short profiles that talk of loves (walks on the beach, whiskers on kittens, snowflakes on eyelashes, blah blah blah) where you browse and pick from the profiles of men/women whose faces are appealing, and so on...

Bottom line is, on some of these, people get “matched” based on what we think of as dimensions of compatibility. Just like the matchmakers of yore. Actually, matchmakers are still a part of Orthodox traditions, and they’re found in many cultures to this day.

It’s interesting really, which factors are considered to determine the best matches. The stuff that will determine whether the relationship will evolve towards a commitment and have a shot at surviving.
Compatibility… Possible life mates picked based on personality traits. The Matchmakers based themselves on things like education, family history, degree of religious observance, financials…

“What counts in making a happy marriage is not so much how
compatible you are, but how you deal with incompatibility.”
-Leo Tolstoy

Then there’s the notion of romantic love. Flies in the face of traditional matchmaking, it does… imagine, picking your spouse by the butterflies in your stomach.

But it’s what Tevye’s daughters do. They marry for love.

This is my favourite song of the movie… Tevye has just told Golde, his wife, that their daughter Hodel is marrying a man she has fallen in love with and chosen for herself, not a man chosen for her following the long-established tradition of matchmaking and arranged marriages as they themselves were thrown together.
Tevye has two daughters who have picked spouses for love... and it prompts him to ask himself something he's never considered.
In this moment, Tevye, after 25 years of marriage, asks Golde if she loves him...

And so I thought. It doesn’t matter how people find their way to their life mates… but that the commitment survives what life throws at us and that love is given a chance to grow, and flourish.

Some time ago, Ann Meara had this to say of her decades old marriage in an interview in The New York Times:

"Was it love at first sight? It wasn't then - but it sure is now."

Lately, I've tried to help some friends struggling with the survival of their marriage, witnessed friends embarking on a journey, rejoiced over another anniversary with people I love like family.

No matter how it starts (a slap behind the head, a glance across a room, a questionnaire, the matchmaker...), I guess it's whether or not we love the one we're with and commit to a life together, to each other and to surviving the obstacles we face along the way that determines the best matches. What do you think?

"I knew couples who’d been married almost forever – forty, fifty, sixty years. Seventy-two, in one case. They’d be tending each other’s illnesses, filling in each other’s faulty memories, dealing with the money troubles or the daughter’s suicide, or the grandson’s drug addiction. And I was beginning to suspect that it made no difference whether they’d married the right person. Finally, you’re just with who you’re with. You’ve signed on with her, put in a half century with her, grown to know her as well as you know yourself or even better, and she’s become the right person. Or the only person, might be more to the point. I wish someone had told me that earlier. I’d have hung on then; I swear I would."
Anne Tyler, "A Patchwork Planet"

Happy birthday my love

"If the sun refused to shine,
I would still be loving you.
When mountains crumble to the sea,
there will still be you and me"

Four years ago on this day, our instructor finally got around to breaking up our classroom into groups and we were thrown together. It was the last day of the best seminar I ever attended in my life *wink*. I'd spent the last couple of days finding myself looking sideways at you, hoping you wouldn't notice. Wondering what the hell I was doing, and knowing it was crazy but being drawn to you nonetheless. It was as if something in you held all the answers to the all questions I had always asked myself. I had listened quietly a few days earlier as you recounted, during a mid-morning break from class, heading to the southern shores of Alabama to assist in the search and rescue efforts after hurricane Katrina and I admired that.

I remember wishing you a happy birthday after one of your collegues let it slip and resisting the natural French instinct to plant a kiss on your cheek as I did so - Americans don't just smooch strangers, right?

I remember watching you go right to work on our group's assignment and knowing you were damn good at your job.

Later on, I managed to sucker you into presenting our group's ergonomic design project (ours was THE best)- I knew you were a gentleman who couldn't resist a woman's batting eyelashes. I was given a chance at that moment to just sit back and watch you. You rocked, once again.

After it was all said and done, the seminar finally came to an end. We wished each other a safe trip home. I watched you walk out of the room knowing I had met one of those wonderful men that makes a difference in the world.

Some force in the universe threw us together that week four years ago... and we kept finding our way back to each other even though we were thousands of miles apart. I would never have thought then, even if I knew you had the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen on a man, that the moment I would end up in your arms I would know what it is to really be home.

We still have a long and difficult journey ahead, but no mountain, no sea, no desert can hold me back... somehow we'll make it. Just hold on.

Thank you for loving me the way no one ever has...

World Peace Day

It seems an ominous task, World Peace.

And no, I'm not participating in a pageant...

I just want the world to be a better place for my child.

So as we strive for World Peace, start in your heart, in your home, in your workplace, in your car (be nice and control the road rage), in your school (that's for my Chicklet), at the market, ...

and maybe it'll catch on.

If there is to be peace in the world,
There must be peace in the nations.

If there is to be peace in the nations,
There must be peace in the cities.

If there is to be peace in the cities,
There must be peace between neighbors.

If there is to be peace between neighbors,
There must be peace in the home.

If there is to be peace in the home,
There must be peace in the heart.

-- Lao Tzu (570-490 B.C.)

I was thinking...

... not on purpose. It just happened.

Early Saturday morning, the sun is out, my pre-teen child is holed up in the basement playing Wii (when I was a kid it was Atari...), and I sat down with a cup of coffee to watch a movie I’ve wanted to watch for a while and never caught from the beginning: “Definitely, Maybe”…

The opening scene then got me to thinking. You see, in this scene, as the main character steps out of his office building to walk to his daughter’s school, he talks about finding just the right song for the moment, the day, the walk…

It’s not the song that got me thinking, or even the sentiment.

It’s the MP3 player he had in his hand, the buds in his ears.

While technology is cool, and it has made it possible for someone in the Szechuan province of China to control your house lights via the internet…

While it brings a wolf from Washington State into my life and turns him into my bro… Technology can also isolate us. Cut us off from shared human experience.

Huh?

Well, in a way, the MP3 player cuts us off from the world.

You see, I’m a child of the 80s. I remember boom boxes. I remember walking down a street and discovering a new song because some cute guy was blaring it for all to hear. It started conversations, caused people to break out and dance, or at least tap their feet and bob their heads.

Without the boom box, Lloyd Dobler wouldn’t have had that magical moment… and Starrlight and I, along with millions of other girls and women wouldn’t have that sigh-worthy moment.

Don't get me wrong. I have an iPod and I love it. Easy access to music, random mixes that go from Van Morrison, to David Gray, to Led Zeppelin, to Peter Gabriel, to The Smiths, to Flogging Moly and so on...

But...

Do you miss walking down a city street and hearing an eclectic mix of music not of your design? Do you miss having someone walk by with a boom box blaring and feeling the bass line vibrate in your chest? Do you miss having a song stick in your head until the next boombox feeds you?

I do. The boom box... it was like getting a mix tape.

a wish for friends...

A marriage...

What is a marriage?

I'm not talking about a wedding, no. I mean everything that comes after the confetti have been scattered, the last dance has been danced, after the last guest leaves with a piece of wedding CAKE to put under their pillow (strange custom this, but hey... it's about sweet dreams, I guess).




A marriage, is about the lives that begin... no, not begin... It's about the new course that is set for two souls, when two lives are joined.
The voyage that is undertaken from that moment where a promise is spoken, a band exchanged, will hopefully be a long one. A voyage filled with many ports of call and adventures, starry nights, soft gentle waves, and hopefully, very few storms with no one falling overboard.



For Vince and Nancy...

May the friendship you share be strong
and may your love for each other stay true.
And may you not only make each other happy,
but may you be each other's comfort
at the end of a long day.

Lighthouse
by Ernie Halter

delight - kickin' it old school

I haven't been feeling the writing bug bite me lately, although skeeters have decided I'm quite the delicacy, but I wanted to put this out there for anyone that just might need a smile.

A Facebook friend had this video in her links and it made me giggle. Since tonight is So You Think You Can Dance performance night, how apropos! *wink*

There's America's Future Favourite Dancer in there somewhere...



If that didn't make you smile, it may be too late for you. Rigor is probably setting in.

a beautiful day...

Happy Birthday, Canada!

I am Canadian. No matter where life may take me, this will remain a big part of who I am.

"I am a Canadian,

free to speak without fear,

free to worship in my own way,

free to stand for what I think right,

free to oppose what I believe wrong,

or free to choose those who shall govern my country.

This heritage of freedom

I pledge to uphold

for myself and all mankind."

Extract from the Canadian Bill of Rights - July 1, 1960

I am a proud Canadian, because of the heroes that came before me... and the heroes that are yet to be.

People like my father...

and

Our Armed Forces

"Our hopes are high. Our faith in the people is great. Our courage is strong. And our dreams for this beautiful country will never die."
Pierre Elliott Trudeau

let a little light in...

If you've been to Travis' blog lately, you know that So You Think You Can Dance has begun it's 5th season on Fox. You've read his "non-reviews" *gigglesnort* of the audition process so far. You might even have noticed that he's been my close to only blog haunt in a while. I'm still trying to find my bearings and he's been my safe harbour as I navigate in very rocky seas of late (Thanks bro, I'd name my next child after you were I to have one *hug*).

Back to the topic at hand... I relish the time spent watching this show. It's a little bit of heaven for me.
I've loved dance since I was knee-high to a grasshopper. I even took tap as a little girl. It was something I did with my mother for a time. I loved it. It's still one of my absolute favourite dances to watch.

My love of dance comes from my parents. My father loved to dance, he knew how to partner. Daddy was from that long gone era where men were gentlemen and knew how to lead a woman across the dance floor. I'm certain this played a big part in Mom falling for him.


I can't tell you how I loved snuggling up to Daddy on rainy weekends to watch old Hollywood classics on public television. I was convinced my dad could have given Fred Astaire a run for his money. During those precious hours, I developed my first crushes: Gene Kelly, Fred Astaire, Donald O'Connor... *sigh* I wanted to marry them.

I don't know of anyone else who can pull this off (at 2:16):

On May 27th, I got a flashback. I was sitting, feeling sad, feeling blue... and the brothers Kasprzak danced onto my TV screen. And I knew. The same way I knew when I heard Taylor Hicks sing. I had just witnessed something special. Other avid SYTYCD watchers remembered Evan (what a cutie!) from the past season when he didn't quite make the cut in Vegas. Evan channeled Gene Kelly in an outstanding number (choreographed by his big bro) and Ryan was like the second coming of Donald O'Connor.

They've made it through to the very last group. Tonight, we'll know if we'll have the privilege of watching them dance every week for what I can only hope will be a VERY long time.

I've included a little gem... Evan dancing to Ryan's choreography in a throwback little film. I giggled, swooned, oooooohed and aaaaaahed as I watched this. I hope you enjoy it. I'm betting Travis will.

"After Hours" from Jason Eberly on Vimeo.

Do yourselves a favour and click on over to go lose yourself in the awesomeness that is Ryan Kasprzak. He's a hardworking, passionate choreographer/performer who is exactly what a show like this is all about... giving an awesome talent the commercial exposure he so richly deserves in the hopes that a brand new generation of kids will discover the Happy Happy Joy Joy that is dance.

some sugar...

Most people wouldn't associate this song with a friend... but I do.

When I couldn't breathe, I reached out to her...

When I love-giggled for the very first time, I reached out to her.

When I needed a nursemaid, I groped her, um, reached out for her...

When I had to share a snarky remark, I reached out to her...

... and there she was.

I love you, baby.... I do.

Thank you.

Happy birthday, Turnbaby! SMOOCH!





Oh... Brad, you're going to heaven for making my sweet friend so happy. 

Dancing in heaven

I want to thank you all for the kind words of encouragement and support you have given me.

Daddy is finally reunited with his beloved Jacqueline and this makes me smile through the many tears I have shed and have yet to shed. He died peacefully in his sleep early this morning.



I know his hand will guide mine when I plant flowers in his garden this year. The roses I'll buy for him on Father's Day.

I love you, Daddy.

I know you're dancing with Mom to your song now...

Frank Sinatra - Strangers in the night

Happy Birthday Dad!

Happy 89th Daddy!



I am truly blessed to still have you in my life.



You've taken care of me, taught me right from wrong and given me the example of what a real man is. 

Hardworking
Serving his community
Kind friend
Loving husband
Devoted father and grandfather



You taught me that I could be anything and that I deserved the best. 
Thank you. I've finally found a man that lives up to the standard you set.



I love you... always.

a bright spot

Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers. Dad isn't out of the woods but there has been some improvement. Not in a mindset to blog so I limit myself to the brevity of Facebook and to my American Idol chat with awesome friends, but this was a bright spot in a crappy couple of months...

The video for Taylor Hicks' new single:

'Seven Mile Breakdown'

Watch more AOL Music videos on AOL Video

free falling

It seems like this happens to me a lot... but I need to step away from the blog. I don't know if I'll be able to post for a while.

Struggling.

Dad is not in good health and I am suspending my job search although we are facing dire straights. I need to know what state Dad is in before I move any further. I took time away from work when Mom was dying and I fear I may be faced with another loss.

Take care of each other.

It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown!

Enjoy... we sure do at our house!

Peanuts: Specials: It's the Easter Beagle, Charlie Brown
Uploaded by Peanuts

when television could make a difference - if only in one person

As I watched "House, M.D." this week, I was confronted with some feelings I thought I had buried deep, close to the earth's molten iron core.

My daughter and I both enjoy watching House. I love the dynamics between the characters of the show. The Chicklet likes the puzzles, and the process involved in solving them. We both appreciate his warped sense of humour.
Gregory House says outloud some of the things I refrain from saying myself. Believe me, I get in enough trouble as it is with being direct and blunt. But, as I was telling Hope this week, I don't pussy-foot around when I think people can do better and should be tough enough to suck it up and know that I bother to push only when I care. Mind you, there are some people I handle extremely gently because I know they have been through enough, and they are fragile - like a butterfly's wing.


So, back to the topic at hand... What shook me up?

ATTENTION - Here comes the spoiler, if you haven't watched and it's on your DVR... stop reading (but then you'll miss out on another very important detail about what makes me tick).

Ok?

Lawrence Kutner, one of House's team members (for those of you that don't watch) and quite possibly the most entertaining, commits suicide.

Kutner was, to me, a most beloved character. The kid (yeah, 33 is younger than me, so The Kid) was brilliant and goofy and according to House, insane. He handled being House's whipping boy with grace and humour. Some coaches ride their charges hard, so do 1st Sgts... Many people run away or turn into whiny-piny-pissy-pants in that kind of situation. And this? Is a trait I have issues with (note, there is a difference with bitching and letting aggravation show and being a whiny-wuss) But not Kutner. He showed determination, and a certain willingness to go with the flow and ride out the waves.

Or so we all thought...


Sadly, something in his life latched onto his ankle like the Kraken, that dreaded giant squid and dragged him under the surface and didn't let go. Was it memories of his parents' death when he was a child, his experience in foster care, feelings of not fitting in? The internet is now filled with hypotheses. People need to know why. They didn't see it coming.
And I think that for many survivors of suicide, but I'll speak for myself here, not knowing why... wondering what was the monster that rendered a beloved family member, friend, colleague unable to make it back to the surface in time, can haunt us for a lifetime. And there's the guilt... wondering what signs we missed, what we could have done, what we didn't do...

As distraught as I was, or more precisely, can be over an imaginary character's death, it brought back feelings of helplessness and of being abandoned after the suicide of my uncle when I was a teenager.

I saw, in the characters that were left behind, the emotions that members of my family, including me, experienced when my uncle Paul took his own life.

My mother went through the angry phase of grief pretty strongly, and being Catholics, her denial was intense. She never did accept his suicide and denied he had killed himself to her dying day. We just don't damn our souls to purgatory and the eternal fires of hell like that, no siree... not in our family.

But you know what? Apparently, we do. At least, he did.

I don't remember how I learned of his death, much less that it was at his own hand in the same manner that Kutner died. I've completely blocked out the conversation. I don't even know who told me. And I don't want to get that moment back. I gladly surrender it to the black hole we all possess, the one that can take our most painful memories and eat them.

I remember that I felt anger and then, I felt betrayed. I thought he was a coward because he didn't fight. He had left me. It took a long time for me to give up the anger. I cursed him and convinced myself he wasn't worth my tears as I had apparently not been worth his sticking around. This is sometimes easier than letting the grief take over.

Watching the unfolding story, I was once again reminded of how much pain my beloved uncle must have been in that led him to this? Suicide is final. There are no do-overs. And it does affect the world when someone let's go.

His death now serves as a learning experience for me, and reminds me that no matter how bad things get... suicide is not a solution. In a way, he gave me one of the most important survival lessons I have learned.

But I still miss his smile and kind blue eyes. He's the one I talk to when I need help getting up off my rear when I've been thrown to the ground. I'd give anything to have him back.

I hope the powers that be on "House M.D." continue to explore the aftermath. Because the ripples that come from a suicide can travel far and wide... and affect the deceased person's loved ones for a very long time, as it has me.

My daughter watched with me, and was puzzled. She, like so many fans, wondered why? This is an opportunity for me to have one of those discussions that parents dread. The goal not being explaining why, but offering that there is an alternative. To create in her an awareness that there is such a thing as suicide but that there is an alternative. She shouldn't have to learn that lesson the way I did. Maybe someday she'll be able to help someone in trouble... and slay the giant squid.

I will say, to the whiny-piny-pissy-pants babies that complained about the news media having ruined their television viewing experience by not sitting on this story and publishing the plot line before they got a chance to watch it on Hulu (could you hear the whiny tone?): get over it! This is bigger than you.

If you or a loved one needs help:

If their life is in immediate danger, call 911.

If you need to talk, either because you are contemplating suicide or have survived the loss of someone to suicide, there is help.

For information,  someone to listen, the Center for Suicide Prevention (in Canada) , the National Alliance on Mental Illness or Suicide.org are doorways to assistance.

throwing things together

I've been scouring the net for jobs to apply to and wasn't able to gather much for a post... but I do want to remind you that if you love dancing, my bro Travis is THE Lord of The Dancing With The Stars Reviewers *giggle*... so click on the nice kitty and go visit.
*Edited... the kitty won't link so you can visit Travis ICI


I saw this through a link posted by Katherine over at Jeff's blog and I must tip my hat to her. A most excellent torment indeed! *grin* Chicklet loved watching this and played it over and over again.

It's dancing!!!

a soldier

I posted this song another lifetime ago, on my old blog. From it, a friendship with a soldier from Great Britain began.

I post it again today, in honour of my friend Julie and her quest to honour her father.
I post it for LeeAnn, my sis and for her Matt, a proud Marine.

I post it for Airman Mom... because families should never be forgotten.

I post it for Mike, my friend from across the pond and his lovely family in thanks that he has returned home from Bahrain.
I post it for Sarge Charlie, who served valiantly.

I post it for a dragon slaying Marine, I now proudly call a friend. (Yeah, I mean you, Burke!)

I post it for Hope,  my sister in mamadom... because she's a beloved friend and ever so devoted in all she does for Milsupport.



I post it for my daughter who is proud of her grandfather and prays for peace.

And I post it for my dad... and all the veterans he lives with at the Veterans Hospital.

Lest we forget...

slaying dragons is girlie business

I hate fairytales. Not because they propagate those moronic "must find your Prince" (although, man have I kissed a bunch of frogs to get mah Honey who is quite dashing and manly and could slay a dragon in a heartbeat - he fights fires! it's doubtless he could douse a dragon's fiery fury), but because they set us girls up for the most monumental of disappointments. 

If you open your bedroom window and sing a catchy tune, sadly, woodland animals will not heed your call and come clean your house, fix your hair (complete with fresh flowers) and make you lovely gowns.

Thankfully, despite Disney's best efforts, my Chicklet is not inclined to be a princess (anymore).


This week, as part of my mommy duties (again, no woodland animals came to assist... not even a wise owl), I had to help the girl with her homework. The assignment? Imagine yourself in the year 2060 and the dictionary will now include an entry about you. What would it be for?
There are no limits to their imagination. They can choose anything.
My daughter? Without hesitation is going to be a researcher, a Nobel Prize winning researcher, no less. Her accomplishment (aside for the awesomeness that is winning a Nobel Prize)? Finding a cure for breast cancer, after she's done doing that she'll move on to new forms of energy or maybe improved hurricane detection and alert technology... she has a lot of goals.
The best part about this assignment and watching the sparkle in her eyes was that she really has the fire and conviction that she indeed will, someday, accomplish great things.

No sitting around waiting for fairytale endings for my Chicklet. She's gonna slay those dragons herself.

But if you ARE going to listen to a Fairytale... this would be the way to do it:

life explained in pictures

They do say that a picture is worth a thousand words, don't they?

The topic is: Sex and advertising (aka using a woman's boobs to sell something...)



Are we really surprised and outraged? There's a simple reason why a woman's cleavage is naturally associated with promoting a beverage:




Of course, I? Prefer clever ads...

"Mom, can we go?"

Chicklet and I are in the car on the way to school, listening to the classic rock station (she's picky about her music and that's just another reason why she's so awesome) and we hear about this:

Imagine: The Peace Ballad of John & Yoko

at The Montreal Museum of Fine Arts.  One can sit at a white piano and play "Imagine", peek at as of yet unpublished pictures, in all 140 items graciously brought forth to Montreal by Yoko Ono, write peace wishes to be tied to Yoko's Peace tree... all this to commemorate a truly beautiful moment in time, the 1969 Peace Bed-in. In the spirit of Peace, admission will be free! Yay!

My Chicklet wants to go. And that? Makes my heart swell.

I understand that some people bear bad feelings for Yoko Ono and blame her for the breakup of The Beatles. But I see a woman who loved and was loved passionately, a woman that still carries that love in her heart. And shares her own Honey with us, and carries forth the message they believed in.

Love

Peace

Where are my Birkenstocks, flowing skirt and flower crown (I'm still totally gonna shave, though...)... I have to prepare.