Walking away is not an option... dialogue must prevail.
"A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with." - Kenneth A. Wells
"I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace." - Helen Keller
I've been struggling with something for about a week now. It may not make any sense, I'll probably ramble... and I'm not going to re-read it and edit it to death like I do some other posts.
This is straight from the hip. Maybe if I just write it down... something will come to me.
I received a phone call a little while back from a friend. She was in tears. This always sets off my protective "I'm going to kick someone's arse" mode. Unfortunately, the more I listened, the more I came to the conclusion that my crying friend was the one deserving of a swift kick.
I've been put in the middle, between two people I care about, and in a most unfortunate way.
The crying caller had just been in a "fight" with my other friend, the heartbroken one. I was being sollicited as a referee (problem is, only one of them sollicited me).
You see, the cryer betrayed the heartbroken's trust, hence the fight. And now, by asking me to intervene and to side with her, she was betraying our mutual friend once more.
Cryer and Heartbroken have been through something together that they decided to put in the past so they could move on with their lives. It's a doozy. It was agreed by both of them that this "thing" wouldn't be revealed to anyone (have I lost you yet?).
Unfortunately, Cryer decided she needed to talk to someone about it. Which, I guess could have been ok... had she picked someone that didn't know Heartbroken, or at the very least, not identified her. But no... I've been through this myself, and I understand Heartbroken.
What's worse is Cryer has not, in any of the conversations I've had with her or her accounts of "the confrontation", truly felt remorse. All I hear from her is "but I needed to get this off my chest, I couldn't deal with it alone". If only she recognized that it's not as much about seeking help in dealing as in revealing the other party involved. I know Heartbroken would have understood if only her involvement in this "thing" had been left out of it. And on top of it all, I am now a second person to whom the secret has been revealed.
I know Heartbroken is hurting but since I don't want to damage this relationship that may never be salvaged any further, possibly obliterating it completely (maybe that wouldn't be all that bad... but I'm not going to do that), I can't go to her.
I've forgiven some serious shit in the past. Being cheated on, lied to and stolen from... and I've moved on. I leave it up to Karma. But this? This kind of betrayal, it's hard. A tough pill to swallow.
I don't feel better. This didn't help... Crap. Sorry I wasted your time.