what does it feel like

... to have new blogging digs?

It feels like home.

Shelter.

It feels like I have my own private island. Fortunately, there's decent ferry service and a not too scary bridge for folks who want to visit.

It feels like it's mine, all mine. Selfish huh? But you know what? It doesn't matter what anyone thinks, except me. This is the "love me or leave me" side of my personality - "qui m'aime me suive" as we say in French. This is the part of me that knows I can't be happy if I live my life based on what other people think of me.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't care. I do. But, (there always seems to be a but) I love myself enough to accept my faults and to assert who I am... to be true to myself. Only then can I grow. I'm not resistant to change, on the contrary... but it has to be for me. Not to please others. If someone doesn't like something, they are welcome to tell me. I then have to decide whether or not I see it as an opportunity to grow.

Too often, constraints are applied to people by invoking the "friendship" card. Not maliciously, mind you. Think about what you're doing when you ask someone to change who they are... are you doing it for them? Or so you can feel better?

A dear friend and I were having a chat late last night (wee hours actually...) about blogs, about how touchy people get about them. What I told her was this, my blog, is an outlet... but it isn't me. Yes it's a part of me. And it's a place where I'll try to bear my soul. A place where I'll be stark naked and raw. But it's one way I have chosen to pull from inside what I need to see out there. So I can grow. And those who come here will get to know me as I learn about myself.

Even if the blog was me... I'm wise enough to know I can't be liked by every single being in the universe.

It's funny, the conversation started after she sought me out to bounce something off of. She was having a hard time with something and I just told her how I viewed the situation from the outside, based on my own experiences. And as it turns out, being there for her actually was of great benefit to me. It allowed me to focus on something other than the hurt I've been drowning in.

Thank you my friend.

"It would be interesting to know what it is men are most afraid of. Taking a new step, uttering a new word."

-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky