Walking away is not an option... dialogue must prevail.

"A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with."
- Kenneth A. Wells

"I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace."
- Helen Keller

Friday, November 27, 2009

"to the moon!"

Have you ever been around a couple like this? I have.

It's exhausting yet morbidly entertaining.

An ex-boyfriend of mine's parents were like this. His mother was a piece of work. His dad was a wreck. I always wondered how they ended up together, much less stayed together.

Once, I actually heard her ask him: "MUST you BREATHE?"
To which he answered without a moment's hesitation: " I have to, I let my life insurance lapse so we'd have money for your wigs."

To my astonishment, she let him live - and the next day, she called the insurance company.

They survived adopting two kids in a culture that doesn't always see this as a positive, sarcasm of monumental proportions, a business (and personal) bankruptcy, his God awful taste in clothes (that actually prompted a ban on his shopping at a certain store in the mall - they had her on speed dial for whenever he came in alone), her many wigs, his travelling throughout the kids' childhood, her gardening despite his sciatic (or was in to spite it), having my ex as a son and his breathing.

They were made for each other, were excellent friends and never accused each other of being spiteful or mean.

As uncomfortable as it was being around them at times, I learned a lot.

Love and friendship can help you overcome anything. If you're only willing to. People don't change "for" someone, so if you love them despite their faults, all will be well. If you feel you have to change the other person, you're doomed.

Of course, it has occurred to me that one day, under pretense of her "gardening" she'll have him dig his own grave.





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13 comments:

Daisy said...

Very cute post. Loved the pictures. Yes, I have known couples like that. I had an aunt and uncle who drove each other and everyone else nuts, and yet they stayed married nearly 50 years till my uncle passed away. They were able to see past each other's shortcomings and work things out somehow.

Starrlight said...

I do know people like that. And they are exhausting. I still have to wonder just how much fear of being alone plays into people staying in that type of relationship.

Anndi said...

Daisy and Starr, I think you've both identified the different types of couples like this. The ones who stay together because deep down, they're made for each other and the shortcomings are surmontable... and the ones who stay together out of fear.

Ri, the Music Savvy Mom said...

MAJOR kudos on the Nick Drake! ;)

MilesPerHour said...

"Love and friendship can help you overcome anything. If you're only willing to. People don't change "for" someone, so if you love them despite their faults, all will be well. If you feel you have to change the other person, you're doomed."

I agree with this statement 100%.

Desert Songbird said...

I'm more of an optimist, so I think couples like this tend to stay together because, ultimately, there is love and mutual respect. And who the hell wants to break in someone new after all those years?! At least, that's the case with hubby and me...*grin*

Anndi said...

Ri, why thank you! *curtesies*

M, I know YOU get that.

Songbird, I know that for my ex "in-laws" there was a great deal of respect. I think that kind of relationship is sometimes a lot more impressive than the easy "fairy-tale" ones.
SMOOCH

Ron said...

I LOVE THIS POST, ANNDI!

OMG...the photos are adorable!

I've know several couples as you described here. And what's really amazing...is that it seems to work for them. It's like they're the perfect foil for one another. And there seems to be sincere LOVE amongst them.

You spoke volumes of truth in this...

People don't change "for" someone, so if you love them despite their faults, all will be well. If you feel you have to change the other person, you're doomed.

RIGHT ON, Twin!

X

Mimi Lenox said...

Love and friendship....I wish it could always be that simple and yet, we both know, it is NEVER that simple.

You described them perfectly as if we could hear the annoyance of the breathing and the pretense of the wigs. Such symbolism.
But full of reality and wisdom.

Well done. I loved this post.

Anndi said...

Ron, the memory was sparked by the first picture. I actually thought of them (she's just like a prissy poodle!!!)

These two really did love each other. And it worked.

Mims, but it IS that simple. It's when the love is unmatched or the friendship is built on quicksand that it falls apart. No one ever said simple is easy to find.

We all have been in a situation where someone we love has an annoying habit (like gum snapping, or open mouth eating, or foot dragging) and who better to lose your cool with than that someone you love. It's safe. It's passion. It's the argument scene from PS I Love You *sigh*

I'm glad you enjoyed it.

Emerging From The Fire said...

Love the pic! Wow. It does sound like something toxic is going on there, though. It reminds me of that song by Orianthi that says, "According to You, I'm stupid, I'm worthless, I can't do anything right".

Of course, the song goes on to say, "But, according to him, I'm beautiful, incredible, he can't get me out of his head".

She needs to lay off on the critical, mean behavior or she is going to push him away to someone that accepts him.

Akelamalu said...

I knew a couple just like that - I could never understand why they were together. :0

coopernicus said...

He'll probably have to but his own shovel as well....good post, my dear.