Walking away is not an option... dialogue must prevail.

"A good listener tries to understand what the other person is saying. In the end he may disagree sharply, but because he disagrees, he wants to know exactly what it is he is disagreeing with."
- Kenneth A. Wells

"I do not want the peace that passeth understanding. I want the understanding which bringeth peace."
- Helen Keller

Saturday, May 31, 2008

what I want...

Home...






New beginnings...

This blog came about because of changes that needed to be made in my life. I stopped posting here for a bit, going back to the familiarity of the old blog I used to call home.

June is before us, and a year ago last June I made the best decision of my life. I came to a realization about what the path forward was to be. So, I'm back here, the new home blog, the transition towards where I ultimately want to be. I will bring with me some of the silliness, the irreverance, the good parts that the old blog held.

The truth is, in order to be happy, I have to make some monumental changes in my life.

My Honey is in Alabama. My home is in his heart and he is in mine. I want to go home. We've lived the long distance relationship for a long time now. I was afraid for a while we would never make it work and I denied my heart's true desire.

So... I have to make a very drastic change. In order to go home, I have to move thousands of miles. People do it every day, right? Should be easy, right?

But I need my daughter and I can't make a move without her. For seven years, it's been the two of us with people acting as satellites, but no one ever truly made an effort to be a part of our family, until my Honey. And although her father left us and moved into the city, leaving me to be the primary caregiver, how do I move her so far away from him? Chicklet asks me when my Honey and I will get married. She knew even before meeting him last year. She is aware of the implications.

I'm an only child... with one living parent... how do I move and not feel like I'm a bad daughter abandonning an elderly parent? Not being physically close.

I'm not really asking you to tell me what I should do. I have to trust my heart and find my way. I do want to thank Turnbaby (it's her birthday) who was the first friend to follow me here for always encouraging me to grab on to love and let my heart lead.


"Paradise is always where love dwells."
~ by Jean Paul F. Richter ~

29 comments:

Akelamalu said...

Not an easy decision but if you follow your heart you will make the right one. Life is for living not for regrets, do what is right for you. x

Sparky Duck said...

life is always an adventure. In the end, i realize that doesnt help at all.

Charles Gramlich said...

That is tough. I moved a long way from my mother to work, but she wasn't as old then and I still had a brother and sister living close to her. A parent wants their child to live the best life they can, though, and if that involves going elsewhere well then they usually understand. Sorry, I'm rambling. I wish you luck.

Travis said...

These are difficult decisions. But ultimately you'll find the right path. It may not be the perfect path, but then life isn't perfect.

Anndi said...

Akelamalu: Thank you. I've come to realize we never know how much time we have... and I don't want to regret anything.

Sparky: Of course it helps... just having friends who care helps. *hugs*

Charles: My parents always told me that whatever made me happy was the most important thing. My Honey ofered to bring dad along and find a good facility for him, problem is, I doubt he'd get equivalent care.. and long trips aren't good for Dad. Thank you for your support my friend.

Travis: Life isn't perfect indeed... the trick is finding a way to live it to the fullest.

Real Live Lesbian said...

I'm an only child, too. So I understand your situation.

I think you have to follow your heart. How long do you have to wait until you can life YOUR life?

P.S. He's too hot to not have in the same bed with you!!!! ;)

Anndi said...

RLL: I apreciate another only weigning in. And you're right... he is too hot *giggle* but mostly, he makes me feel safe the way no other has.

Desert Songbird said...

Leaving everything you know is tough. You will know in your heart when and if it's the right thing to do; by doing what is best for yourself, your daughter will learn that it is good for her, too. And then she will learn that, as a woman, she needs to do what is best for herself in order to do what is best for her family.

Dana said...

Another only child, and a once singlr parent here to pipe in!

The parent issue is a difficult one. Mine live in over 1500 miles away, and in different states. I know that as much as they miss me (and my son), they want more than anything for me to be happy. I worry about them both, but know that I have to live for myself - something that can be done without hurting others.

Technology has made some of these issues much easier to deal with. I don't know how close your daughter is to her father - how involved he is - but the internet and webcams can do wonders to cross the miles.

Do you have to take all fo these things into consideration when making the decision? Of course you do, but please don't minimize the impact your happiness has on those you love!

Anndi said...

Songbird: Thank you my dear friend. I know what will bring me peace.

Dana: You're a blessing, thank you. Her father is very involved in her life, he and I will have much to discuss.
I know that it's important that I be happy, and I think my daughter sees that my Honey makes me happy in a way I've never been. Her life will change drastically but she seems very brave and determined, and her strength helps.

Bond said...

Your happiness and the well fare of chicklet are what matters most.

A year is a long time to wait. Parents only want the best for their children no matter the sadness that may creep into their hearts.

From the day a baby is born, their path is to find their way into the world and leave the safety afforded them by loving parents.

The right decision is the one that fills your heart.

Anndi said...

Bond: Thanks... Honey and Chicklet fill my heart.

Twyla said...

I sound like an echo, but I definitely say, follow your heart. I think it's the only way to be truly happy. :-)

Anndi said...

Twyla: Yours is a most valued voice. *hugs*

VE said...

I'm an only child too and live in the same neighborhood as my ex because of the kids and joint custody. People have to live their own lives though and guilt over that just gets in the way...

Starrlight said...

Wow I feel your pain. Did the long distance thing for over 4 years and even though it didn't work out it was still a great experience for you.

And I get the unable to move due to your daughter as well. Same thing here. The second she is 18 and graduates I am out of her.

It's a tough call isn't it? Lead by example and move or put off what you want for the greater good of your child. I don't think there is one right answer, I think it changes person to person. You are the only one who knows what you can give and what you need to take.

I have been having the internal crisis lately as I frustrated with being in a place that feels so completely wrong and that I have loathed from 30 years. Remember my little mantra that I have been practicing. When it feels overwhelming stop and step back and just breath =)

Ron said...

You sound very much like me, in that we "know" that the answers must come from within our own heart.

Thank you for sharing this, Anndi!

Lu' said...

Ah serenity. I dig this blogs design. Glad you're back.

Lesley said...

Huge! You'll make it though...
You have to live your life for you and your chicklet... Not for others.. Your life includes your honey! Be happy and don't worry... It will be fine, I am sure.. Your parent will understand.... honest..
Luv and hugs,
Lesley

Anndi said...

ve: It would have been great if my Chicklet's dad had stayed in the same town, but he did what he needed to do to be happy. Maybe it's my turn.

Starrlight: Chicklet's opinion weighs heavily in my decisions... there's still much to work out and is by no means a done deal. But in order to achieve happiness, one has to visualize it and make it a goal.

Ron: We may have been separated at birth LOL. Yes, answers do come from within. Thank you for taking the time to read and share.

Lu: That's what I'm looking for... serenity.

Lesley: Thank you my friend. You're a little ray of sunshine! *hugs*

buffalodickdy said...

A tough decision, but I know you will make one that works. You have thought it through, and know what to do- it's just details(big ones!)that have to be dealt with...

CrystalChick said...

Terrific song to go with a very open and honest post.
With both of my parents gone now, I do wish that I had a little more time with both of them, but when they were alive, had there been an opportunity to move I am sure they would have wanted me to follow my heart. We only want for our kids to find happiness.
Of course there are ways for your daughter and her father to still communicate as well as you and your parent.
The relationship you have with your honey must be very special so I know it will work out well. :)

Slyde said...

well, it certainly sounds like im not privy to some rl drama, what with all the blog switching...

hope you make the right decision concerning your move.. i know i could not move and leave my grandfather, but to each his own...

im sending good thoughts...

Anndi said...

Buff: Working through one detail at a time... Thanks dear.

Crystalchick: It's a very special relationship. He's an amazing man. Thank you for the kind words, I really do appreciate them.

slyde: Not so much drama as making changes.
I'm letting my heart guide me, we'll see where it leads me and when. Thank you for the good thoughts.. I need some.

Sparky Duck said...

Holy Crap, its a Twyla sighting

Jeff B said...

No advise, just open ears to recieve your words.

Hugs my dear.

barbara said...

Salut Anndi,
This sounds like the decision of your lifetime.I'am not giving you any advice ; just saying that let happiness be your guide.
I have been down that road, hon. Remember, I left my own country to be with the one I love.
You gain a lot, and you lose somethings.

Listen to your heart.
Hugs to you both xxxxxxxx

Turnbaby said...

I'll do whatever I can to help Angelbaby. {{HUGS}}}}

amynoroom said...

OMG I didn't realize you had been updating here! I'm glad to see you back. So, are you movin to Alabama? Can he move to Canada????