what I want...

Home...

New beginnings...

This blog came about because of changes that needed to be made in my life. I stopped posting here for a bit, going back to the familiarity of the old blog I used to call home.

June is before us, and a year ago last June I made the best decision of my life. I came to a realization about what the path forward was to be. So, I'm back here, the new home blog, the transition towards where I ultimately want to be. I will bring with me some of the silliness, the irreverance, the good parts that the old blog held.

The truth is, in order to be happy, I have to make some monumental changes in my life.

My Honey is in Alabama. My home is in his heart and he is in mine. I want to go home. We've lived the long distance relationship for a long time now. I was afraid for a while we would never make it work and I denied my heart's true desire.

So... I have to make a very drastic change. In order to go home, I have to move thousands of miles. People do it every day, right? Should be easy, right?

But I need my daughter and I can't make a move without her. For seven years, it's been the two of us with people acting as satellites, but no one ever truly made an effort to be a part of our family, until my Honey. And although her father left us and moved into the city, leaving me to be the primary caregiver, how do I move her so far away from him? Chicklet asks me when my Honey and I will get married. She knew even before meeting him last year. She is aware of the implications.

I'm an only child... with one living parent... how do I move and not feel like I'm a bad daughter abandonning an elderly parent? Not being physically close.

I'm not really asking you to tell me what I should do. I have to trust my heart and find my way. I do want to thank Turnbaby (it's her birthday) who was the first friend to follow me here for always encouraging me to grab on to love and let my heart lead.

"Paradise is always where love dwells."
~ by Jean Paul F. Richter ~

Make believe...

I don't remember having an imaginary friend as a child. I tended to be a loner. A trait I see in my daughter now. She enjoys the company of others, but is quite happy and content in being by herself. She can entertain herself for hours, as could I at the same age. And often still do. Maybe it's because I'm an only child.

You know, I guess maybe I do have an imaginary friend... she's the one I talk things over with. She never really answers me though. I think she's the strong silent type.

"It's always useful to know where a friend-and-relation is, whether you want him or whether you don't."

-Rabbit, Pooh's Little Instruction Book